thoughtless ranting

and apart from that dream there's not much i can remember of the night. you're laughing your eccentric idiosyncratic laugh and i'm trying to see through all the smoke and darkness that has become a part of my vision of late, and yes, there's true smoke and darkness here. there's a loud background music playing the kind of music i cant stand but since i'm pouring beer into your mug i cant wait to see you drunk and i'm all happy cuz inspite of the smoke and haziness all around you still look wonderful tonight. i'm so desperately hoping that this not be a dream and i'm almost into tears when it strikes me that this IS a dream and that you're still miles away and only a fragment of your mesmerizing memory is what i can grasp in my waking life. but i quickly gain control and tell myself this is not a dream and that you're here, and you're here forever, to be loved and more importantly love me. and as your laughter becomes louder and cacophonous it drowns the noise of the lunatics singing along the god-forsaken band that's playing relentlessy and remorselessly into my deafening years and i love it cuz your voice is real, as real as it was on that winter afternoon in the park where you rushed up to hug me and tell me once again what you'd told several times that week while your cheeks blushed red and soft and your eyes had twinkled diamonds against the shy sunrays piercing throught the crazy clouds. yes, your voice is still the same 16 year old voice which has not yet smoked cigarette and your face is still that prettiest thing in the world and i'm blessed to remember your face so vividly and i thank my dream for reminding me once again of how lucky i'd been to have an angel so close it's almost death though i know i'll lose you in your entirety with the morning cup of coffee.